Fun at the Hospital...Weekend Recap

So days are coming and passing by quickly, but dad is still in the hospital. It is so hard to leave him there because I know he belongs at home. Today was the first day back to work for us and I know it was hard for mom and I. For some reason we were just having one of those days. Anything that was said about dad or anything that made us think of him brought instant tears to the eyes. I kept waiting for my phone to ring to hear dad's voice checking in, which is something he normally does multiple times during the day, but today was different. He is not home and his normal routine is not there and man, I am ready for things to go back to normal.

I said, "Dad do something silly for the picture."
And this is what happened, but you have to love that smile!

So while others are out shopping and doing fun things on the weekend, we are all packed up and headed to hang with dad at our home away from home! We wouldn't want to be anywhere else. You know you have been there way to long and too many times when the nurses know you by name and give you hugs when they see you. Dad is like a celebrity on the heart floor. All the nurses love him because he is the best patient I have ever seen, when really he has every right to be mean and grouchy.

Dad didn't feel to good on Sunday and his stomach was acting up and of course all of us became worried. We have to take all precautions with dad because something we think is small can be huge. They moved dad to a private room and we had to wear these really ugly gowns in his room to reduce the spread of germs (to be honest, I don't think they did anything, but for some reason mom was loving them. Pictures below) They are sending dad for some tests to look in his stomach because they think he is bleeding somewhere internally because his blood count is extremely low. They kept telling us that because dad is so high on the transplant list they need to take every precaution to make sure he is safe and healthy. If they let this bleeding go and don't try to find the source dad can easily bleed out on the table during transplant. Well, that is not such a good idea, so we are all for tests, tests and more tests. Anything to keep dad safe and coming home to us.

So that is the latest with dad and with everyday that comes we keep our fingers crossed for the perfect heart.

I will leave you with some silly pictures from Sunday at the hospital with dad. We shared so many laughs and had such a good time because that is way more important than sitting and feeling bad for ourselves.

I know you are jealous! These gowns are so stylish!
Oh and check out that TV dad gets!

Relaxing in the cozy chair!

Dad putting his gown on to go for a walk

Dad and Chris all cozy watching a movie

Two love birds on a nice romantic stroll down
the hallway!

Dad getting some exercise on a nice walk .
Look at those little legs!!

Chris on the patient scale weighing himself

Now it is mom's turn. We had so much fun with
the scale. Dad and I got on too, but luckily no
pictures were taken!

Ready or Not, This Is Really Happening

I think I can speak for everyone in my family and say that we would like for someone to pinch us and tell us if this is really happening. There is no way to shorten the story, every detail happened and this is another bump in the road for us.

It all started Thursday when dad went in for his routine right heart cath. 6:45am Chris and I pull up to pick up mom and dad and we were on our way to the University of Penn. We laughed and joked the whole way there and dad was quiet. I knew he was nervous about what was to come. When we got there and dad was in the cath lab waiting we were once again laughing and joking and planning where we were going to go eat lunch and what movie the guys were going to go see while mom and I went shopping. Plans that usually happen for people on the weekends.

Dad kept telling all the nurses and doctors who came in, "My numbers are going to come back great and I will be out of here in no time." I felt bad and it broke my heart but I did what was in my gut, I said to dad, "Hey dad, we all know the numbers will come back great and we will be out of here, but please tell me you are prepared for bad numbers and what is to come after that." There was silence and he looked at me, made a silly face and looked away. He didn't want to hear it.

The time came, it was dad's turn. We walked with him as they wheeled him in. He went straight to the lab and we went right to the waiting room. We gave kisses and said "I love you" and dad and I say what we always say before he goes in for any procedure. I lean over the bed, kiss him on his forhead and say, " I love you dad and I'll see you on the flip side." With a huge smile dad returns, "Love you and see you on the flip side." Something small, but something that we always share at this moment. We then walked away not knowing what the next hour will say about our lives.

Mom, Chris and I sat in the waiting room talking and staring trying to pass the time. Every time a bed rolled by we broke our necks trying to see if it was dad. It was a long wait and we were ready to see dad again. Finally a bed rolled by and both mom and I looked. I could see it, I could see my dad, but it is what mom saw that made it hard. She looked at me with eyes real big and said, "Sand, this isn't good, the tube is still in his neck." No words came to either one of us. We sat across the room from each other, eyes locked and tears came flowing. We whispered to each other, "This is okay, we knew this would happen, now stop being sad." Ok, so tears were done, for now, and we just sat there and stared and worried for what seemed like an eternity. Dad's doctors were being paged to finish the report and no one came to see us, this was hard. Finally a nurse opened the door, "Caleo family," we jumped up so quick and said, "Please tell us something we have not seen a doctor about dad." She apologized and told us that dad still has the tubing in his neck and his numbers came back pretty bad. It is happening, the next step in dad's transplant journey whether we are ready or not.

We walked in to see dad, tube in his neck, sad look on his face and still loopy from the drugs. It is always hard to see and witness when your own parent, your hero, just look so broken down and sad. We walked in and he opened his eyes, "Hi daddy, are you okay?" He looked at us and said, " Please wake me up because this has to be the twilight zone, this can't be real." We all just sat there with lumps in our throats trying to hold back the tears as we watched dad close his eyes and pretend he was somewhere else, anywhere but in that hospital bed. Minutes seemed liked hours as we waited for a report from the doctor.

The doctor came in and told us what we knew. Dad's numbers were pretty bad and they were all shocked. We needed to wait for the transplant team and dad's doctors to come and talk to us so we can know the next step for dad. While we waited phone calls had to be made. Mom and I went to the hallway and we left Chris to sit with dad.

First up, I called my brother James. I explained it all to him and I was good, no tears. I held it back. He said to me, "Sandi, tell me right now, is there any immediate danger to dad, do I need to fly in right now?" It always breaks my heart when he says that to me because of course I want to scream, Yes, but that is because I want us all together. I told him to stay home because he needs to be here when dad gets his heart.

Next up, my sister Nikki. I called and she was in class so I waited for her to call back. She called back and as soon as I heard her voice I lost it. Every ounce of me just crumbled. I just sat there and let the tears roll and I could hear her on the other end sobbing and she didn't even hear the news yet. When I finally composed myself to tell her, she broke my heart with her response, " Sandi, is daddy going to have to stay in the hospital forever?" Of course I explained it all to her but she made me sad, I was sad she was far away hiding in the bathroom at college all alone.

Lastly, my sister in law, Kristen. It was Jamesy's birthday today and he was turning the big three so I didn't want to put a damper on his celebration, but Kristen needed to know. I explained it all to her and she is very much like Chris and can calm a room down when the whole world has been turned upside down. We told each other, "I love you," and the call was ended.

Phone calls were done for now and now it was time for us to wake up from this dream and let the news really sink in. Nicole, dad's wonderful transplant coordinator came in and laid it all out for us.

Dad is being placed on an IV drug, which he was on the last time he was in the hospital which really helped his heart. He will be in the hospital for a week so they can stabilize him on this drug. She is also moving his status up to a 1b, which means he is going to get a heart a lot sooner because dad has blood type A, which means he can receive any heart. She said one of two things is going to happen in a week; dad is either going to be sent home with his IV medicine to wait for his heart or he will be going home with a new heart. I'll let that sink in for a minute.

Our mouths hit the floor and we all turned white. There is a very big possibility dad will receive his heart while in the hospital with all of the changes that were just made to dad's status on the list. When she was done telling us all of this, no one said a word. We all just stared and tried to absorb the news.

I am happy to report the tube is out of dad's neck and he will be moved out of the ICU. Nicole came back yesterday and told us that dad was considered for a heart yesterday. A heart was available and dad almost had it. The heart was too small for dad. Dad is now number 6 in the region waiting for a heart, but he is the only one with his blood type, so really he is more like number 1. Nicole, looked at us and said, "Get ready, this is going to happen quick."

Wait, what? We aren't ready, we were planning for a summer transplant. We don't have our shirts ready, we didn't do any fundraising, bags aren't packed, we are not mentally, physically and emotionally prepared, but none of that matters because dad's life is about to change.

Ready or not, this is really happening...

(To be continued... the next steps in the journey are coming...)

Our Goodbye To Chanel

Last week we had to climb another hurdle with our long time family pet, Chanel. She was a part of this family for over 18 years and sadly her age just caught up to her. She was here when all the kids were growing up. For me it was exceptionally hard with the fact that I am not working and home all day, she kept me company through out the day.

The day came where I knew it was time for us to say goodbye to Chanel. I called Chris and Sandi and they took me to the vet with Chanel. She was very brave because I think she knew that her time had come. She layed quietly in my arms when the vet came in. The vet gave her a shot that would take away all the pain, and she quietly fell asleep forever resting in my arms like she did everyday.

We will all miss her, especially me. Whenever I came home from the hospital or was just not feeling well she always seemed to know. Like everything else, things happen for the best. We know Chanel is happier now and she lived an amazing long life as a part of our family.

The family has suffered a great loss because she became more than just a pet. We will continue to love and miss her everyday.

Rest in Peace Chanel

Chanel with Hunter
During Her Good Days

Recap Of Our Valentine's Day Weekend With Family

So much happening and so little time to blog. I sometimes wish I was better at documenting things during this journey, but I try to get on here and touch on times that I think are important and special.

The weekend before Valentine's Day was a lot of fun and we spent some great time together. It is so nice to spend time together and focus on family instead of wondering when the phone call will come. I just want to recap some of the things we did.

Friday was mom's doctor's appointment about her health scare. I went and picked up mom and we went together to her appointment. Dad wanted to come but needed to stay home because he could not take the chance of getting sick. We were all nervous about this appointment and what the outcome can mean for mom. Mom was called back and we were anticipating over an hour for her appointment to last. After a shorter time than expected mom came out of the room with a large smile on her face, which was not something I was expecting to see. Mom came out and quickly shared the good news, the doctor found nothing, no sense for worry, no sense of danger to mom, and he sent her with a safe bill and an appointment in 6 months. Phew, we  were all so relieved and mom felt great. Mom is okay and she is healthy, and we are able to move on knowing we overcame another obstacle. 

Saturday we went to a long time friend's (Aunt Lorraine and Uncle George) house who is more like family than a friend. Mom and dad have gone before for the annual "gnocchi making day" and this time Chris and I decided to tag along. We had a lot of fun rolling out the dough and making some home made gnocchis. A lot of laughs were had and stories were shared. Aunt Lorraine shared that she enjoyed reading this blog and it helped her to learn more about what was going on with dad. Mom and I were at a loss of words when Aunt Lorraine told us that Uncle George didn't want to read the blog because he is having a hard time accepting that dad is this sick. We never realized that for some it is hard to believe that dad is as sick as he is and in the state he is in, but for us this is nothing new.

While making gnocchis there were times when dad would leave and need to sit and relax. We would always notice his absence and look around to quickly place him. There was one time I actually went to check on him and see how he was doing.

This is the moment I shared with dad at that time:

"Hey dad, are you okay?"

"You know Sandi, I am just sitting here thinking, that I can't believe I am this sick."

With a huge lump in my throat I answer, " Well dad this didn't happen over night and we need to be thankful there is a cure for you. "

Then we just talked about his upcoming appointment and what it may mean for his status on the transplant list. That was that, and dad was back on his feet making some more gnocchis. He always amazes me.

Not surprisingly that conversation was hard to have. I wish I could have just said, " Just hand it over dad, hand over the pain, fear, worry and bad heart, and we will all take the burden from you." Of course I couldn't, but I was just happy to be there to hear dad out and have the conversation with him. Soon after we headed home because dad had a long day and was tired. Dad did great although he needed some short breaks.

So those were two main events from the weekend that were special and meaningful for us. In the upcoming week dad will go to the hospital for his right heart cath. We don't know what the results will be, but we are prepared for both good and bad results and what the long term plan will be for dad. As a family we are ready for this and will welcome any results together.

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2011. I thought this would be great place to tell my valentine how much I love her. I know it is hard for her with the constant worrying and daily task of caring for me, but no one else can do it like she does. She worries about me every second of the day. Maybe I don't tell her enough, but she is my rock and without her I would be lost. When I receive my new gift, I promise that our lives will change and I am going to take my entire family on a vacation to celebrate her strength and new life together. There is no one like my wife, Jennise. She has always been the one.

I want to wish a Happy Valentine's Day to my family here and in St. Louis. I have a lot to be thankful for and sometimes I get wrapped up in my own head that I forget to tell everyone.

Love,
Daddy

This Doesn't Happen to Superheroes

What happens when the superhero is knocked down or suddenly ill? I know in all the movies I have ever watched when this happens to the superhero the movie is over. The screen goes black and the credits begin to roll.

Sadly, there is no black screen for us or credits rolling, we have no choice but to embrace the new bump that has come our way. Our superhero, our mom, heard some scary news from the doctor and our mouths hit the floor. Superheros aren't supposed to be hurt or ill, how is this happening? Mom has always been untouchable and the strength behind us all, and now here we are, the tables have turned. We now have two parents facing medical issues.

Dad being sick is nothing new for us, we know the ins and outs of dad's disease and what the next step for him is, and we are ready. We are unsure about mom. We don't know what it is, what it means, and what the future plan is. Unknowns are weighing heavy on our hearts and minds this week.

The weirdest part of it all is, mom is on the other side of this now. She is the one on the doctor's table and dad is in the waiting room with me. Since dad can't drive, I'm on the job. Mom has her dr. appt on Friday and I have to take her with dad and help to make sure she is okay. I know what it is like to take care of a sick parent, but I never thought it would be my mom. She takes care of all of us, and now it is our turn to protect her and keep her safe.

Throughout all of this we never stopped to ask, why? Why mom now? Haven't we proven enough about our strength, love and loyalty as a family? Once again we are put to the test and once again we will rise. As a family we will get through this and rise to the top.

As I have said before and will say for the rest of my life, there is no other family that I would rather be going through this with and I would never ask for another life.

" Events from the past depict who we are today."

This picture was too funny not too add! My lovely dog getting in the middle of the family picture